


I remember being alone

by Nandah



Category: Drama - Fandom, Football - Fandom, Football RPF, Total Drama, crossover - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-02-19 16:16:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2394815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nandah/pseuds/Nandah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being betrayed by a football player (Marco Reus), Nikita is lost once again in the world living in precarious conditions. The Russian 22 years trying to live life with a job linked with the life of the young as a prostitute. Nikita still has to face his destiny. Before that your desfarce will not last as long as Catherine Wood.<br/>A set of emotions, inspired by the movie shame, Nikita tries to treat her new job, she is even more involved with this life of shame, multiplayer but never forgets who he really is and what she really went to take her this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I remember

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [I remeber Being Alone](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/76727) by Nanda Soldier. 



> hi my people look at me with a different, more dramatic fanfic and other category ...  
> We cover the interim is when I do I post ok: D  
> then enjoy the final first chapter: D  
> Küsse  
> this story is also available in english on social spirit

Still do not like to remember that end, I feel totally lost, as my screams do not reach up to his ears. I screamed "have faith, do not give up!" But not any effect on many voices that were around me. "I am here! Do not forget "I screamed again, but still in vain. He was about to hit that penalty that decided the title. He was apprehensive and I totally nervous, praying that he would hit that chip, then the penalty was beaten. It hit him, and I all ran well. 

That moment was beautiful, he was happy and me too, but finally he came towards me, he was all excited stretched hands including me, but his fate was for a thin woman of lank hair, blue eyes like a sea that flowed through fine sand that was her face, she was on my side embraced him with their tongues intertwined as if it were one. I thought "why he did this to me, just by my side in my view in my presence?" He had sworn his love for me, lied to my feeling. 

The crowd screamed the name of the hero who hit the one penalty that had saved the team from defeat. "Reus! Reus! Reus ", and my heart was screaming" Why? Why? Why? "

My legs failed to move the place, my legs could not move from the place, my eyes could not hold the amount of hurt that ran through my tears, he told me "sorry", and finally my body reacted and I answered "Congratulations for its world cup, congratulations on your title. "

These were my last words I remember saying to the soccer player Marco Reus, one day bluffed that he loved me and then threw me away. 

But back to reality, here I am, working once more alone in the world.


	2. Almost noticed me ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oioi my loves another chapter for you guys   
> now the next will come soon: D   
> enjoy guys

Woke up in the morning, not with the sun rays invading my head but a nightmare that always tormented me. Nikita was what I was called before being abandoned after 12 years in St. Petersburg sitting on the steps of the Catherine Palace. Dai was I adopted that name for disguise. Nikita Kozlov Gussev to Catherine Wood. I was in a motel room, a disgusting man was by my side, I had no choice. 

I was proud of my profession, but it was the only thing I could do living in London. My legs ached, the man who was on my side was a client, it was not easy for me. He was a full thick. 

I stood quietly, my day was over I had to go get my tip and give to my boss. 

By day I was an ordinary waitress, a common restaurant in London, the night I am what I am. 

\- Caratina the snack table 8, where Catherine is the order of table 5? - I could not take so many buzinações in my ears. I was tired of working in that place, but had no choice, I worked like a slave, and earned little, but that was the only work that accepted me without my official documents. I was like a refugee in London. 

For years I live a lie, hiding from everything and everyone, but I knew one day my fate the day would come and it would have to face anyway. 

Toward evening, just finishing my service, I returned to the shelter where I lodged myself, along with 30 girls who were also in the same situation as me. The night was cold, but had to return was the only place I've lived. 

\- Good evening Srtª Wood, ready? 

\- Yes - as I was saying always afraid. 

\- Since we are in London we have to please a group of men who are celebrating. Yes I'm talking about players. They earn well, and I believe that will give you a good tipper. 

\- Expect team? - I said a little desperate to find my ex. 

\- Arsenal. - Shit, Marco Reus had changed team after the world cup he signed with Arsenal, at the first window, I could not bear to look at him because he had deceived me and betrayed me in the face. 

Legal Nikita now you will meet with your ex traitor and chutzpah. Ah it boils down to Marco Reus. 

\- I refuse I asked incredulously?. 

\- Will not, it's late! - My boss was impatient when I said I would have to face my destiny n imagined it would be so soon. 

Inside is a chest, grabbed a mask and hid my blemishes with a concealer skin, he could not recognize me. 

I always liked football when I could I watched the streets, or even in the restaurant where I worked. My boss kitted us, we were ready to leave for another adventure, but this time less pleasant than others. 

My heart jumped when we got to the club. Was packed with cars in the parking lot. 

Entered the fund. My legs were slow to follow the step of the other girls who were happy to have to win a hefty cash. 

"Do what married men in a nightclub and invite prostitutes to satiate their drinks filled up the stalk?" I thought to myself using my traditional uniform. 

\- Catherine has something wrong? - Asked one of the girls. 

\- Why not? - I said stuttering a bit. 

\- Is shaking vestir.- I tried to control myself but I was more nervous. I denied shaking his head and giving a nervous smile. 

-ok girls this is the longer you can go on line to the stage. They will choose one of you. - Said my boss. I was sweating. I put my mask and went to the stage. 

When we got there all the players sat in their seats and in the middle a rich giant table of drinks and snacks. I swallowed hard, Marco was there he was there cheating again, only this time the betrayed when I was not. 

They laughed nonstop, but the attention was fully directed at me, I was only mask and with clasped hands massaging my leg. 

I looked from one side to another and saw my boss gesturing for me to take off the mask. I denied looking away, and setting the ground. 

\- Okay guys, this is the leaves before their wives come around. - My boss said introducing us. 

Looking surreptitiously I saw that they were staring at me, including Marco. Shit my disguise could not end there. 

\- I'm with Miss Mascarada.- said Olivier Giroud. A relief arose between my chest and my throat at least it was not Marco. I noticed tension between the other players, they wanted to choose me, but Giroud was smart. My boss reached out hoping I get off the stage. No reaction yet, I blinked several times, but Giroud came to me. 

Are you okay? - he told me. I nodded and we left that room immediately. 

We left quickly down the hall to one of four private suite. I directed myself to the bathroom and took several deep breaths. 

You still think you are not well! - I heard the voice of Giroud there in the room. 

"Calm down Nikita, looks like he saw a ghost!" I thought breathing as deep as possible.

I returned to the bedroom. He was there lying on the bed naked. He looked at me with perverted expressions. He made faces at me, I could not resist I had to laugh. 

A film went through my mind when I lay down again in my life in a room with another man. 

Giroud noticed my tension, he was not understanding, I was specialized for it or not? I barely knew my answer. 

I felt his lips brush against my neck Olivier. I refused to take off my mask, does not want anyone to recognize me. Her hands entwined in mine and his kiss was hot. Guilt and fear were butterflies in my stomach. I felt my heart touching the chest with the speed that he hit. 

\- Soft calm down, I'll be cuidadoso.- Olivier spoke in my ear. I felt his fingers slide over my abdomen to my privacy, my body arched, her fingers slid over me, gave great if your lips pulling at my breasts. I already felt sore. 

Olivier turned me like a sack of potatoes leaving my stomach. I felt his cold hand massaging my glutes, your hands away from my legs leaving the sample my identity. 

With his face in cochão I cried and cried, I regretted every minute I ever did. His erect cock penetrated my intimacy, making me shiver. His thrusts were fast, my body swayed me into doing apex. I heard her moans. Were higher than mine. 

With cansaso, he settled in bed and then falling asleep breathed. 

I had nothing in particular as a prostitute, besides, that was not what I wanted, but it was necessary. Continued in the same position, I was sore, my body was thin, so the bruises would appear in a few hours, wiped the tears and lay on the side of the French man. 

******** 

I noticed sleeping. He was a man of adorable appearance, yet with my mask on his face, I fell asleep on the other side, trying to absorb one more night. 

In the middle of the night I woke up with more of a nightmare, they never leave me, I was flustered, the first thing I checked was my mask. Phew she was there. Giroud looked at me a little worried. 

\- Sorry, it was just a repetitive nightmare. - I said trying to compose myself, I was sweaty and with good wet face. 

Without waiting for him to answer me I picked up my clothes and left the room, I could not stay there anymore. 

When leaving the club room a lot of journalists attacked me. I ran as fast as I could. Shit almost blew my cover the worst is that I messed with his life. 

The rain was falling hard outside I could not help but leave the same way I entered the club, I was almost naked. People looked at me crooked, passed away from them before they hit me on the sidewalk, so obviously it was wet. 

\- Catarine! - I heard a familiar voice calling me. Phew was my boss I was saved. wait, no it was not my boss! 

 

            ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ §¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ ¬ ¬ 

Fate is coming que I know / 

Time is running got to go / 

Fate is coming que I know /

Let it go / 

Do or Die - 30 secons To Mars 

                    ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬§¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬


	3. First step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> people in fanfic David Luiz in Chelsea is still ok. I know he is no more, but I preferred to leave it there yet: D   
> I hope you enjoy and comment!

The rain fell like a pretty dramatic scene I was standing, looking at a face that one day ruined my only chance for me to restore my confidence. Yes he was calling me, was that he was also stopped looking at me. 

I have not had much time to dress right, just a wet coat ajar, showing my underwear, My bare feet showed the least I was doing, I was no longer a mask, my face was exposed, he was so me acknowledged. 

Still stop absorbing the blow in my mind, Marco leaned on me, without my realizing it, my mind was far navigating the possibilities of escape before he got close to me again.

\- What are you doing in the rain and still dressed like this? - He asked me, but my mouth ajar demostrava my nervousness and my lack of speech. He looked at me with some pity, he still remembered what had happened, I saw in his green eyes. I saw the green lawn in his eyes I saw that final stage. 

My body reacted to that memory, I could not let him continue to tinker with my thoughts, my legs were moving backwards I was pulling away from him again. 

\- Catherine still running away from reality? I see that has not yet overcome the separation. This is already turning possessive, has to follow his life, can not live in the past, I am not the only man in this world, I know there will be others to love. - He said in love, he gave me a moral lesson, he was giving me a lecture. 

My tears were disguised as rain drenched my face. He was talking rudely to me, he treated my love as if it were a passenger, as if love were not unique but a mere teenage crush. I nodded, and not let my voice come out of my throat being up to my mouth, my words he had finished, he was sure his life was not over there. 

Practically with my feeling pretty shaken I fled for shelter me as I was playing on my bed and hugging her pillow. Yes I was as a teenager adrift and unsure what to do. 

My boss looked at me with some pity, but the others looked at me with envy, Olivier Giroud had chosen me, like the other players wanted me. With that memory in mind, my plan fell through, I would be a new Catariana Wood, I would be disguised Nikita, I would be the person I wanted to be ahead of Marco into my life. 

The night passed, and was ready in the morning, my face was clearer on the outside, but inside faced a darkness of a sad and cruel fate. 

Trips were marked by in London, my boss was earning well with us, so he wanted to expand his business. 

We were going, but we were going to another customer, us girls we did not know who they were or where we were going. 

My curiosity fixed the window of the bus leading to rapid follow landscapes that were captured in my eyes. 

When we got stayed in a hotel and await the arrival of the suitors. Each one of us were in a warm and interesting room we were in a new adventure, but I was embarking on a new adventure bad. 

My fingers ran over the dressers who were in the room, the architecture, the objects that were filled lush. 

\- I was expecting someone more ... forte.- said a voice behind me. I heard the sound of the door closing. The voice had a strange accent, I'd never seen that accent. I did not dare turn on me because my nervousness always took care of me. My eyes closed and opened at the same speed that breathed deeply. I could not fail, I had to prove to Marco and to myself that I was fine, I do not embodied in an unhealthy love. 

Turned my heels and set the creature that was in front of me. Actually just saw your chest wearing a blouse male race. My head bent backwards to see the man with whom my boss brought me. 

\- Do not make this move, you're thin, but this is exciting. - My eyes widened, I knew, did not know exactly, but I knew as a player. My boss brought me a Blue, but he brought me David Luiz. 

My breathing was missing again, I was embarking on another football player, I was even thinking it was irony of fate. The Chelsea defender bent down to kiss me, it was embarrassing. 

With his right hand, he put me to bed leaving me exposed. His lips were invading my mind, her hair inadvertently encostavam in my nostrils. I was in a trance. Again the shame of being what I am invaded my mind leaving me vulnerable. 

Was deleted minutes, when I realized, his erect cock was constantly moving inside me, his hands were on my breasts, the amaçando completely. 

"What is Nikita! Marco is messing with your consiente again? Or you let it invade your mind synonymous with weakness? "- Said a voice in my thoughts, I was crazy, my mind was talking to myself, but she was right. 

Even unwilling as ever, I with my thinness deep inverted positions. I was on top of the quarterback who seemed more excited than ever. With a circular motion, my body was being raped again, but not by him but by me. 

David was raging when he gave his last card. Yes he had entered into orgasm. He looked at me with wide eyes. 

\- Never felt a feeling like this. - I looked at it as a cliche. But smiles politely. Yes I had sex with him, not slept, I had prostituted myself to him. 

Without the mask, my face sunk every hour of the night I was there after sex. David slept deeply, I could not afford to go out at night and meet again with Marco again. I had overcome tonight. I had evolved my fear. 

When the day dawned I was alone in bed, David had already left leaving a letter on his desk. 

"Last night was magical, surely repeat someday. Good night "Inside the letter was the money which he promised to pay. 

I breathed again and sat on the bed. Fixing the wall. 

Taking my concentration, my boss opened the door telling me to wear. 

\- Let Catherine, you have work to do! We travel. Very well! His work is perfect. After the praise from Olivier Giroud, David Luiz and you will have a particular encounter with the gunner's canopy. 

The shadows were eating me, even controlling them I could not get them out of focus. 

Another was on my list, was a young player, I've realized the tactic of my destiny. There was no way, I had to overcome the trauma with players. And the best solution was facing them. 

 

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ I ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ ¬ 

Pray tomorrow - gets me higher high high  
Pressure on people - people on streets  
Turned away from it all like a blind man  
Sat on a fence but it don't work  
Keep coming up with love  
but it's so slashed and torn  
Why - why - why ?  
Love love love love love  
Under Pressure- Queen 

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ I ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ ¬


	4. In Madrid part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi folks, sorry for the delay, but here is another chapter.  
>   if they can share, and for those not commented comment! I want to hear from you, even a HI hehe  
> Küsse!

Again working in the cafeteria, one tedio invaded my concentration. Fear had not yet abandoned me completely, I had another mission of my hellish fate.

A player was on my list again. I was about to travel to Spain. Yes was the top scorer crown James Rodriguez.

Delivering the trays from table to table, I worked distracted, and without any commitment.

\- Catherine? - I heard a voice calling me close to me. - Hello is on earth? - I looked at the creature that was calling me. Shit was a former hook up.

My sonsidão gone I I fixed.

\- Hello John.- I said swallowing dry, he always said he loved me, but he was a bit compulsive.

\- Did not know it was still working here, I believe that is still alone. - John said holding in my hand, but I quickly repel his touch.

\- Yes I am, but I'm working now, and I have many things to fazer.- I said putting the tray on the table and out quickly to the kitchen.

I put on a wall and closed my eyes. Took a deep breath, I was dying.

\- Caty? Are you okay? - Said a cook

\- Sim.- I said recomposing me - need to get out. - I said leaving the gates of the background.

I could not, had to walk as quickly as possible, my heart was racing. Suddenly a cold hand grabbed my arm pulling me behind. My God.

\- Wait, flower! What do you think you're doing? He thought he would get away from me as well. - It was John he was with me again.

\- Leave me alone John, I said I do not want anything to do with you! - I said, trying to free myself from that maniac.

\- I will leave it alone - one more person intruded in our discursão. Calm there, he was.

\- Cathy, he's bothering you - said Marco. Reaching out to me. My hands were ready to meet with him, but I could not, it was as if something was preventing me from following life with him again. - Cathy! - Said Marco insisting on taking me out of there, but my arm shrank close to me, my eyes fixed the floor and my heels turned involuntarily. I was going away from him.

John grabbed my waist and smirked to Marco and left.

I could not even give me the taste of looking back to see the face he was, but my soul was turning to deeper hiding from me again in the depths. I had chosen venturing out again with John and walked away from my destination again.

In some yards away, I pulled away from John and ran away from his sight to my accommodation, where all the girls were getting ready for the journey.

\- Because she always comes here crying - I heard one of the girls whispering one to another. I went directly to the bathroom without hearing the other answer to me.

In the bath I put my thoughts into day, I was risking too much lately, but I knew that, but could not go back, no I could not!

Arriving at the Adolfo Suarez airport, my eyes filled before that, I was in Spain, despite the travel from St. Petersburg to Dortmund and Dortmund to London, I still was like a child getting this Christmas.

We left the airport to a very comfortable hotel, it was not that great, but it was cozy.

\- Ok girls, today we have the afternoon mission. Catherine prepares your day today may well be corrido.- told my boss

My eyes went back to fix the floor, but my boss lifted my head.

\- My dear, do not do it with the same follow, be happy !, so you have more available and pleased customers. - Yes I was doing this same question to myself. Why do I do this to myself?

I nodded and gave a forced smile.

All were in a dorm, they commented their favorite and tell how they would be prepared to be chosen by whom they wanted.

\- And you Cathy? Who do you want to be chosen? - Said a girl called Sarah.

\- I've been chosen before we left London. - I said looking at the ceiling, but I had to see the girls face when I said that.

They were looking at me, some raised the eyebrow and frowned and I laughed inside of my misfortune.

\- Who chose you - said Carrie

\- I do not know yet, but I was told I have ever escolheram.- I said lying, I knew who had chosen me, I lay on my bed and turned my back. And then falling asleep. Not want to hear the comments that were rolling about me that Quaro then I tried to rest.

When I woke up, it was already afternoon, the girls were ready on the ground and I was still asleep. Idiots, they hate me to the point of not wake me.

I got up quickly before the bus goes without me. my bag was not ready, my belongings were scattered. Shit like this happen?

Someone had sabotaged for me, I did not have time to shower, the bus was on and the girls putting their bags inside and into next.

Put the necessary in a bag and walked down the stairs from the 5th floor as quickly as possible.

When I got there the bus was there meters away. Drugs missed the bus.

Luckily a taxi was parked in the garage. I walked quickly.

\- Follow that bus. - I told the driver, he looked at me suspiciously but followed.

We took a transit, miserable, the bus, later on found a loophole and followed. Damn!

\- Shit and now we lost him. - I said already giving up.

\- Surely they should be going to the private party the Real Madrid team.

\- Yes! You know where it is? - I said talking about the obvious.

\- Absolutely yes girl. It took about 5 minutes but we got there. The bus was parked I left the taxi running and obviously paying the driver.

When I arrived I showed my badge and went in. The girls were not in the dressing room, I threw my bag in the corner and ran to the stage the same way it was.

In the view of the players, I was nothing interesting, that is bare.

\- Cathy! Where were you? Already going to start without you - said my boss.

I apologized and went back to my position. The girls laughed at me, yes they were that readied me. I smiled as my boss had told me, I could not chipping me again.

\- Ok, let start.- told my boss letting the players choose.

The course was coming to me. It was James. He held my hand and took me to another room.

 

 

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

**_My Immortal- Evanescense_ **


	5. A friendship

Again another adventure with me, the girls had appointed me, I was pissed at that. I was still dressed formally, nor had taken my bath.  
entered the hotel room, which looked more like a motel room, was a single room with a balcony with a gorgeous view of Madrid. near the window had a hot tub, shit I had to take a shower.  
-estás bien?- he asked me, shit I can not speak Spanish. I looked envegonhada, he smiled, he was a very young boy, attractive and sympathetic.  
I pointed prara the tub, he understood nodded.  
Taking my clothes very suspicious I got in the tub as I came into the world. He was educated at not look for while I bathed me. I do not understand.  
I finished my bath as quickly as possible moreover could not let him waiting.  
In the edge of the bed deposited my weight, sitting, he was set on your phone. I cleared my throat.  
With the fright he looked at me fixing my eyes. I did not know how to communicate with him.  
-como te llamas?- said James still pinning me. Shit does not he speak English? I stood blankly.  
-I do not understand your Lingua.- I said blushing more than ever  
I said what's your name - he said in perfect English. Shit because he did not speak before?  
\- Catarina.- he smiled and shrugged. I started taking her shirt. His body was atletico even though refreshed me in a bath, sweat down my face.  
his lips touched on my line in a warm, felt his chest touching my breasts. In a boost he lay in bed pulling me along I fell on it. I tried to control my mind but my body is responding unlike the fear was still in me. I was without any reaction, only then I realize that it also was reaction.  
His face was next to mine I felt his quiet breath on my face.  
\- Excuse me. I said trying to move.  
\- Wait. - He told me I froze. Shit. What must he be thinking of me?  
\- Cathy, something is going on, the account is not mine, but I see that you do not want to do that. - Said James still fixing my eyes.  
I could not open up to anyone but the most never mw open to anyone.  
\- Is complicated - I said trying to do my job.  
\- I'm not what you think - froze more than I was cold. Yes it was what I imagined, a married man cheating on his wife and daughter with a woman who does not know being a prostitute.  
-What do you mean? - I said. Feeling insecure.  
-sei who do not know me, but I can see your tears in his eyes, the speed at which your heart is beating if not quise do that I care not beyond the most liked you. - He said, smiling. I was feeling down, a little more secure. I smiled back.  
I lay on your side, really did not want to feel those sensations again, even entering apcie was painful to feel used.  
The night had fallen and we were still sitting in bed talking of things not had any sense. I do not even me sntia safe to vent to an unknown person.  
\- I see you're happier! Your smile is splendid. - He said making me blush.  
Thank you for not force me to do this. You must be thinking badly of me - I said fixing my hands.  
\- Would never think bad things of a woman as friendly as voce.- he said laying on the bed and covering. Had an opening, he was expecting me to lie down too.  
I went and lay down beside her. I felt his arm involved with a protective instinct.  
\- como te llamas? - He said insisting that question, shit he knew I had lied he was talking to me with his eyes closed.  
-Nikita- I said asleep then without waiting for an answer.  
In the middle of the night once again woke up scared it with my own nightmares. I felt someone take me someone held me. I heard a voice call me by my name.  
-Nikita ?! - The voice calling me nonstop. My eyes took to find her voice to the unknown voice.  
My eyes found a face a little scared. He was me.segurando strongly.  
-excuse me. I said again was so that I could do apologize.  
\- Need not apologize flower, it was only one pesadelo.- he still held me and kissed my forehead making me lie down again.  
My mind fell into the real. Shit was truly getting involved with another man at the same time wanted to run away and at the same time wanted to comfort me in that warm embrace.  
Go back to sleep Osito. -he said hugging me again.


	6. Lost on a Feeling

Another day I woke up with the same possibility of James have gone, in addition he was a married man, he would not pass the morning with me. I turned to the side and looked, the reality was certain he was not there. I was late, did not know if the other girls had left, but I felt I was alone in that hotel. I looked at the desk, and there had a significant amount of money on below him had a letter. With my curiosity opened immediately.

 

Osito, even if last night was not quite what I imagined, but it was cool, and do not say you were not. I saw something in you Nikita, a beautiful name for a beautiful woman. You suffer from it? Or is being forced to do this? We need to talk to me as a friend. I left my e-mai so we can talk if ashamed to say it face to face. I know it's important to you. I feel it, so without further ado, have a good day and I hope your answer.

Rodriguez.james@yahoo.com

ps; look forward to that.

 

I widened my eyes and kept that note. What was he trying to do? Spoil with his life? Expose my life? Or was he trying to be a friend? I did not know anything. I made a super quick shower I needed to go back to the hotel where we were staying.

I went downstairs quickly and bumped into a thin, tall man.

\- sorry.- I said without looking at him, and leaves the fastest till a taxi. I took it.

When I arrived at the hotela bags were all ready.

\- We are already out? - I said to my asking chefe.- he nodded and put the bags on the bus.

Part of me was happy to back London, another part was sad to go back there.

We travel to the airport Adolfo. My eyes did not fail to fix my pocket. My hands checked the fittings all the time the pocket to check whether the ticket was safe. Throughout the trip I could not sleep a wink. I really was at a time in turmoil.

Arriving in London my feet touched ground in the English down the relief of the head to the same.

  One afternoon I was in my work again in the cafeteria, my license was quick and could fill the gap. Serving the tables was always how I lived.

With my cell phone in hand and the ticket pocket I went to the exemption from the cafeteria and sat at one of the beer kegs.

I typed the email addr and looked at the text box for 20minutes.

What are you doing Nikita? He will expose your life - my mind nõ kept honking in my ear.

Until I could not I needed to vent

 

From: Cathy

To: James.ro

text:

Hello. I received your ticket, do not want to involve you in my affairs, they are well boring and unimportant, but thank you for being kind to me.

\-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------

 

I pressed send and put my phone back to work.

\- Where she was a girl? Go meet Mr. Reus in table 2. - my boss told me doing paralyze completely. Was he serious? Or was he really kidding me.

I walked towards the table 2, my stomach churned, my heart had no control, he pounded without stopping. I was swallowing a lot of anger and nervousness in me. He was sitting with the woman that I saw at the stadium.

When I got near them, Marco seemed happy, he smiled and she smiled back, it was as if they sintonizassem and I left between them. I cleared my throat, they took attention to me.

Marco's eyes widened and rose from the chair again, he looked at me as if he had seen a ghost.

-Cathy? -he Said.

\- But what will want Mr. Reus. - I said taking the notebook and handed the menu to his companion. My hands were shaking my breath was missing.

\- You are well said his companion sensing my distress.

\- Yes I'm fine, the heat makes me pressure drop. Sometimes I feel flutters. - And said without looking at them.

Marco sat back down and took a deep breath, I waited for the request and wrote quietly. I could not stand to stay there.

She was still as before, beautiful and charming. Marco looked as if heaven was in front of him and my eyes were like photographers recording the beautiful moment between nature and him. But luckily I refused to be a pilgrim time shooting behind a couple in love.

With the application noted I turned my heels and left. I handed the request to Phil and out I could not stand on my feet.

He still had power over me, and I never could control myself when I saw it. Still leaving the restaurant, across the hall, my body then softened falls on several people.

I was conscious but could not move anything in my body. My eyes were watching everything that was going around, and my ears would catch every move from anywhere. I was sensitive and it was his fault.

\- Cathy! - I heard the voice of Marco coming from him. I was still in the frozen ground until both arms around me in a hug. - Hey, is everything okay? - He was getting involved. My God take it from me! My eyes met those of them that were fixed me with concern.

\- Ok let the comigo.- said a familiar voice, he pushed Marco and lifted me off the ground and I was in his arms. My eyes searched who was with me. Shit was he again John. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes.

 

I woke up in a luxury room, only white contrast, the bed was super spacious and over a desk had a treat cup and some biscuits.

I got a little dizzy yet, and a figure watching me.

\- Whatever John? - I said sitting on the bed

\- I saved your life and you still ask me what I want?

\- Do not need your ajuda.- I said raising the bed and contrando the door.

\- Calm al girl, you will not sair.- he said. Hold it what he means by that?

\- Has no right to arrest me here- I said leaving the room and finding a beautiful view of his house. Yes it had evolved long after I have run it before.

\- Is not beautiful ... is our agora.- he said hugging me from behind and whisper in my ear.

My stomach lurched from what he had done to me I had taken disgust him.

\- I'll embora.- I said dropping from him and ran to the exit. The doors were locked. I was trapped.

\- John opens this door! - I said screaming

\- Do not come here we talk, we have a lot to talk Cathy. - He said dragging my arm to the couch. Shit he was a maniac. -then You are only working there not E.- he said as if everything were normal.

I did not answer and ignored. His heavy hand hit my face. My tear trickled in bad face.

\- Dear, do not make me do this novamente.- he said holding my chin and wiped my tear. I spit in his face and ran through the house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the mistakes is because I am using the google translator :)


	7. finding the target

I was curled up in the home of John bathroom, my eyes were full of tears, my mind was lost, did not know what to do. I was trapped. John pressed me psychologically, flashbacks invaded my mind.

_Cathy let out soon that bathroom! Can not you see I'm anxious - My mind plunged with the flashbacks I had with Marco._

_\- I'm going! Women have to be well dressed for an occasion like this. - I said getting dressed in the bathroom._

_-I already said my dream, that's cool, right now we do not need clothes for that._

_\- Oh my really, it's a little rude to a lady. - I said coming out of the bathroom and me showing myself completely. I was dressed erotically. He smirked, saw her eyes fill, never thought he would do anything kidney to me in the future._

_\- I still want to see her dressed in Psylocke.- Marco he said he always insisted that story I dress the x-man's heroin. I rolled her eyes._

_\- Come to me, my querida.- he said pulling me a warm kiss._

My mind stopped my memory with a knock. John was he was trying to get into the bathroom. His voice seemed nervous I shivered.

The bathroom window was great, it was the only chance I get away from that place. I opened the window and jumped from one floor.

My feet touched the ground almost painful, but they did not give up running.

It was the only thing I did. While what was left in my hope.

My destination was obviously the shelter, he did not know where I was then I came running and threw me on the bed.

\- Cathy dear where were you? We are already going out for another day of work. And do not forget that you are the most quoted. "The masked girl" they want really see his face. - I said my boss not realizing my crying face. In fact he always sees me like this, I think he has got used.

\- I'm already getting ready - I said wiping her tears and checking my phone. To my amazement I had an e-mail. It was his e-mail James.

I opened immediately I really needed to talk to someone, I did not feel well.

 

From: James.ro

To: Cathy

Text:

Own my dear, I swear I only want to help you, believe my intentions are the best, I realized the need that you were.

I know what you need, when I looked in his eyes was as if a someone's face reflected in them, someone upsets you Nikita, accept my help I swear I'll be here waiting for your reply.

Yes someone disturbed me, not only someone like somebodies My God what he wants? I use? Discover my secret? Or curiosity is greater than I imagine.

I read and reread the e-mail several times and decided to respond.

 

From: Cathy

To: James.ro

Text:

Seriously, how do you know? ok I do not know much what you want with me and do not know what motivated you to want to help me, but come on yes. It has "people" that disturb me.

A ruined my chance to love, to build a family, to have a life back. I do not trust any more in this life.

The other took my moment of weakness and blackmails me since the day I found myself lost in London, he is a monster am physically assaulted. But I have no choice or I choose to suffer for a man who hurt me sentimentally or a man who hurt me physically.

I do not know why I'm saying this, but I think a little relieved. Thank you James.

\-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------

 I finished typing the last word and sent. My mind was lighter, but that had helped me out a few bad things I had in mind.

\- Cathy! What do you think you're doing? Put that phone! You have a job! - My boss told me taking the concentration, I forgot I had to work.

I did not know where we're going and was not even in order to know. James' answer interested me more than an unbearable job I had.

I entered the bus staring at the screen waiting for the answer. The girls looked at me and commented I lowered my head and disguised.

My phone vibrated in my hand. He had answered me.

From: James.ro

To: Cathy

Text:

I knew it would accept Osito! Our your life is one ein shit.

Yes I want to help you, but not by email right.

I want to help her and find love again. I know this may awaken me, I hope you will find it here in Spain but I will be in London to see her.

Life is not easy Nikita, sometimes we have to learn to run before you start to walk, look at the destination is not an easy thing, but if you show up the defeated her face laugh destination, pretend is not the solution but try It is better.

Nikita! Being beaten is not the solution to escape from someone else! My dear do not do this to follow it, I swear I'll be there to help her.

I do not want to push it, but could tell me at least one of the names?

I look forward to your reply.

\-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------

 

I kept my cell phone right away, shit he was forced! I could not tell who was so !, I barely admit it to myself imagine tell him?

\- We arrived. said my boss

We were in a closed establishment. We were going for one more disgusting adventure of my life.

I entered the establishment without worries, to bump me into a man.

I massaged my arm and looked to apologize. Shit was it! What's he doing here?

\- Cathy? - Was Marco he only knows betray? I looked paralyzed, my feelings again ivadir me my concentration. My breathing was heavy.

\- Why are you here? You just know betray his future bride? - I said then leaving without waiting for him to answer me. He percebebeu what I would do when I joined with the other girls.

I went into the dressing room and I was dressed. I etstava to take my mask purse when Marco invaded the dressing room.

\- What you think you're doing Cathy? - He said stopping and looking at the mask. I tried to hide it, but there was no way he looked at me dumbfounded.

\- Ok girls, let's each to your partner. Cathy, you ...

\- ... She comes with me. - Marco said interrupting my boss.

\- But I can not do that Mr. Reus, she's already with Mr. Hazard. - I said my boss holding my arm .- we Catharine.

I looked at him one last time and felt my vision blur, but my eyes were watering.

Marco told me nothing I waited only refuse, but once I ran away. I went with my boss. James had told me that I had to face my fate, but I could not look at him and my heart race. I could barely hold in your hand without my quiver.

I left without looking back

\- I'm not leaving here, Cathy, I will not give you heard his voice, but I could not turn me-I..

Give Marco? You have no right to care for me !, has no right to say what I should do! You destroyed me, you forgot me and still says that will not give up on me ?! - These words almost escaped my mouth, but my mind was working nonstop. I entered the room and closed the door.

 

I left me long ago

Reasons you'll never know

No one to miss me when I'm gone

With no more words to say

No argument to stay

Another post I don't belong

**This means war- Avenged Sevenfold**


	8. First Shame

> "Being itself is not the same to perceive who is in control of a situation."
> 
>                                                                               - Nikita Kozlov Gussev
> 
>  

My mind was troubled by what had happened. Shit what the hell he came to torment me right now ?! I was in the room where she was a client. Eden Hazard was yes for more irony of fate was yet another football player.

Her face was angelic, he looked at me with a certain malice.

\- Hello beautiful, I suppose you're the masked girl. - Said Eden with no qualms. I nodded without saying a word. My mind was still traveling through the voice of Marco still invading my mind. Eden looked at me expecting some reaction mine. Who really I had to make decisions was me. I was dressed properly for the occasion. I could not hesitate. He raised his eyebrow still waiting. Shit I was blushing.

\- I do not believe it is ashamed! You are a program girl or not? - I said Eden raging those words that came into effect on me as if they were a gun bombardment. No it was not, I was not a program girl, I was a wronged girl. Because? Because with me?

\- Ok I knew fraquejaria me, the girls always falter me. And it would not be different. - He said Hazard sitting in bed and looking at me.

His words were cruel, they beat me mercilessly, but I was willing to change, yes I was.

What is Nikita? Or back to the past or you go ahead and show that the weak is not as it seems.

I looked at the player of clear eyes that stared at me without parar.Ok I had decided. I would change there.

\- Okay because ... - Hazard said before being interrupted by me.

My hands broke into his chest pushing against the soft mattress. My face was exposed, I did not know what would be my reaction after so I used my mask, I do not tampava my eyes.

Eden watched me and waited my reactions. I raised his hands tying them to the headboard.

\- Hmm now rather a reaction. - Said Eden

Still masked, removed his clothes bothered me that much. His cock was erect. I put my body against his. He was sweating cold and his breathing was flustered.

Slid against his body to reach its bottom. He tried to move his hands but was incapacitated.

My lips were crimson, my black mask highlighted my eyes and sensualizava date. My fingers slid over her body shuddered with every touch.

\- Stop! You are torturing me! Come kill me pleasure! - He said trying to loosen the bonds. With his strength he loosened the ties that I had done and grabbed me, turning me like a sack of potatoes. Leaving me under his sweaty body.

His attack was as a key to several flashbacks in my mind.

My stomach threatened to betray me, my mind was threatening me betray me. "No not now! I will not be weak. "- My mind screamed for my body and I myself. He was fast, my tears could not hold in my eyes. They tumbled like a waterfall on a cliff. I was being weak again.

\- Cathy! - I heard the voice of Marco coming from the bottom. Yes he called me outside. What the hell does he want? I fall apart even more? - hang on! No I will not leave it there, do not drop me! - I heard his voice become more distant and aloof. Someone was taking it out from there.

I tried to concentrate. I was helping out, but inside I was rotten. In fact there was nothing in me but a black cloud that covered my faith and happiness.

When I realized, Eden was standing in front of me and I lowered. Heaven my body would not obey me. I was being a bitch.

My tongue invaded my lip making me open my mouth completely. Yes he received his erect member who exitava up with my mouth.

Outwardly I was normal, I was all normal, he looked at me as if nothing was happening. My face showed nothing. It was like everything was flowers. I did enjoy me. He looked at me with a satisfied air. Eden threw up in bed, gasping for breath.

Me wrong about you. You have beautiful ability, oh how tem.- he said running his hands through my hair. I smiled forced

\- Ok liked? Ok now my payment. - I said being cold. What was the matter with me? - He looked at me surprised and then smiled.

\- Marrenta ok, hmm like that. - He put the money in my hand. I smiled to look at that wad of cash running through my fingers.

I grabbed my clothes and goes to the bathroom outside the room.

Before entering the bath, the mirror caught my attention. I was seeing. Yes I was seeing myself. But I was not myself. It was someone else. I was seeing a bitch. A woman unscrupulous. The mask still hiding who I really was. My eyes filled with tears. I had fallen on me. Drug everything was now confused. My life was a shame. Yes I had lived a shame.

Not speeding removed the bra that bothered me and bathed in the hot tub. The masked bitch in the bathtub. It was like I was called.

 

Outside the hotel, my feet walked quickly to a taxi point.

I got in a taxi and came across any one of my clients.

\- Hello Cathy what makes here?.- was Olivier Giroud.

\- why are you here? - I said closing my simple coat.

\- I think you should answer my question first. - He said crossing his arms.

\- And how I would answer you first?

\- Let the facts: First, you came into my taxi, the second has a person who is overcome brings you. - I said Olivier scaring me. Shit I had forgotten that Marco was in the same team as him now. I stammered trying to explain.

\- It is that .. I was .. err ... it does not matter, I'll take another taxi, I'm leaving. - I said, opening the door tai and out as quickly as possible.

\- Cathy wait! - Olivier said trying to block my exit. But there was no success. I looked behind. I saw him talking on the phone. Run drug Cathy! - I thought to myself.

I ran away as fast as I could. Crossed unfamiliar streets until you reach a dead end. Nikita drug because you are so dumb?

I turned abruptly bumping into a man post. I groaned, and then massaged my arm.

I could not look at who it was I could not.

I kept her head down without looking until a voice called my attention.

\- Are you alright? What makes such a beautiful girl like that alone in that alley? - I looked at the still shaking person.

\- James? - I said hugging me and relieving altogether.

\- Who I am happy to see me Ver.- he said through gritted teeth. Damn I was suffocating him.

\- Why are you here in London? - I said releasing my crushing hugs.

\- Came sure if he was okay, I told you Nikita, I want to help her. - I nodded. We came out of that dark alley. We arrived to a hotel where he was staying.

I settled on the couch without speaking for about 2 minutes.

\- So ... - he said breaking the silence .- I smiled weakly at him. I felt his eyes trying to connect with mine, but I was weak emotionally for it.

\- the man. - I said thinking he would understand. - I saw him again. James! I turned into someone I'm not over it! It messes with my head it baffles me! - I said turning to cry. I could not hold back the tears my mind was like a movie screen.

\- Osito will calm down, perhaps because you love him still. - Said he called me that name again what is it?

\- I do not love! - I said pushing him away from me. My voice had changed - no more. I do not love you more! All I had was destroyed because of it! - I said raging as if it were his fault. He looked at me with a certain penalty

\- You are lying to herself Nikita.- he said raising putting myself sitting back to the couch.

\- No I'm not, I'm more convinced than ever! - I said denying again

\- If you do not love him because you feel guilty when you kiss or have sex with someone? - Shit he was playing in my face.

\- Because I'm not like James! I'm not a whore! I do not deserve to be used! I do not deserve it - I said, but my voice was almost hoarse because of my crying.

\- Ok we test this? - what? I looked at him incredulously. - I beije.- he also said insisting.

\- what? No I will not do isso.- I said denying and turning his face.

\- do not trust me? I'm trying to help you, if you do not feel anything for him kiss me - he also said insisting. I I fixed, he was next to me.

I tried, touched his lips on mine, freezing my body. I pulled

\- Wait for James. You're right, maybe I can not forget that person, but I do not want it more in my life understand - no he did not understand, he did not know who he was, he did not know what happened, I had no idea.

\- Because we're not going to have a coffee and give you tell me anything you want to tell me? - He said making me an invitation to the restaurant just below the hotel. I was quiet and scared, but I had to vent. I could not hold for long. I nodded and then went down.

\- I could start as it happened.- he said making me laugh. He was like a psychologist trying to solve a problem of a patient in despair. - Than is laughing miss?

\- anything. - I said back in earnest. - This man, this man she so afraid to relate me again ... - I said pausing for breath - His name is Marco Reus. - I could see James' face changes from normal expression for concern. My eyes went back to fix the table, but then moved to the glass wall watching the rain come down bend the glass. - We met in Dortmund in Germany. I was a refugee from a miserable life that I had in Russia, my parents abandoned me at the palace of Catherine in St. Petersburg. When I was younger. I lived all my life alone trying to build a better life for me. I did not study and nothing but could board the landing gear of an airplane. I almost died in there but when I woke up was in Dortmund. I lived in that city alone, trying to find something, someone. I was skittish bitter and ignorant, but he was kind and treated me when I needed in my life. We were young, we lived in an adult life that gray city. We were together for years it was my life and I was his life. He progressed, I tried, but could not. I had no documents, I did not study, I had nothing beyond it. One day I was playing the most important competition of his life. He was anxious about it all year. Yes it was, too. I could see it in his eyes. I could feel his fastest possible rate each time a day went. He played in the World Cup. It was the first cup of his world. Where he was also playing. But the cup final was what struck me. I was there. I was at that stage. I was supporting him. I was on his side. I was dressed as a German girl for him. But he preferred a legitimate. A beautiful girl who was on her side. It was a girl when I was very jealous when I saw her. He chose the worst way of saying that he liked her. He played on my face that he liked her, kissing her in front of me. Since then. I come by fleeing over the world. Alone. When I look at the green, I remember. I remember that night. That night he left me alone on a bench in an empty stadium crying and begging for this to not be true. Empty-handed I embarked on another landing gear here where I live today. Alone. - I finished talking James looked at me astonished by what he had heard. He could not even have breakfast that was in his glass. I lowered my head and took a sip of my coffee.

\- Ok I see that it will be over.


	9. Second shame

\- Do not do it My dream!  
\- Marco Reus in Nikita thoughts

 

"Ok I think this will be difficult to give you. But not impossible "- I imagined James say that word to me. And yes he said.

\- I think this will be difficult to give you. But it's not impossible. - James said exactly what I thought. That's how a psychologist had told me. For me it was as if he had not score more output, it was as if my life had not beyond repair. My eyes still fixed the glass wall wet with rain.

Some people passing by outside and waved to James, I disguise, did not want people to think badly of us, but there was no way journalists were inexcusable. They took pictures nonstop. I was very uncomfortable with that.

\- Calm down osito, it's no big deal. - He said holding my hands and complicating things even more. My curiosity would not let me still had to ask.

\- Why call me that name?

\- what name? Osito?

\- Yeah

\- Osito means stuffed in Spanish, ie bear .- he said smiling. Ok he called me bear, uncool. I smiled and thanked the affection surreptitiously.

We take our coffee in silence after that conversation kinda nasty.

\- Then on Marco Reus. The secret is, if you do not want to mis get involved with it, get involved with someone else. - James said saying as if it were easy

\- I can not live a lie, James, my life is already a lie imagine staying with someone only to forget another? It does not work. Moreover no one will accept my past. - I said incredulously, James took a deep breath and shook his head.

\- I pity your lack of faith, Nikita, you have to open up to the world has to open up to your friends, you have to open up to new people. You can not live like this nailed in an ominous past. - Always said James with your easy words.

-maybe, but I want to undo me, but my mind says to the contrary, sometimes she wants me not suffer, but do not want me to forget. - I said looking at my phone vibrating. It was my boss the cafeteria. Damn I forgot to work the morning shift!

\- what happened?

\- I forgot to go to my work the morning shift! - I said, getting up quickly from the table.

\- Look osito, wait, try to make friends in your work, it will help you get distracted. Oh and do not forget to be kind. - He said giving me a kiss on the cheek and paying a taxi for me. Drugs do not like it. But I could not deny.

When I arrived in the cafeteria, an employee sent me up to the boss room. Shit sermons.

I knocked on the door and heard a "between" dry. I walked crestfallen

\- Mrs. Caratina Wood, noticed his absence of some documents and his own absence in a few days of work. No justification has been given so far, and neither your documents are here, you said you would deliver soon. But nothing so far. - Said my boss. I swallowed dry. Drug will be fired. I was quiet with no response. I pulled out my apron and put the chair synonymous with "I quit."

I fired before I was let go and hunt for the federal police, on false documents.

Drug was now out of work permanently. Only one in which shames me completely.

I went back to my shelter, James dissect I had to make friends, but as if I was fired? I threw myself on the bed and buried my face in the pillow.

\- Catherine because when you always come here always crying? - Said a girl who was also at the shelter.

\- Nothing - I said wiping my tears

\- Cathy, come here have to have a very séria.- told my boss conversation. I never knew his name so never mentioned.

\- Yeah. - I said sitting down in his office. Soon my mind will be expelled from the shelter also Oh heavens!

\- Look dear, there's something. A man came here looking to buy one of you. He was rich and offered (€) 325,000 for the best girl that we had. - My eyes have filled with water. What's this? Slave? And I was sold? Nothing could get worse in my life - I named you Catarina. The Bittencourt Sr is a good one for you.

I froze Mr. Bittencourt? The only Bittencourt I knew was the maniac John.

\- who is he? - I said desperately.

\- I talked about its course, and said what you were good. Now it's like its owner / entrepreneur. His name is John Bittencourt. I suddenly got up from his chair and leaned against the wall.

\- You can not do this to me! You can not sell me I'm not owned by anyone! I'm not here property and anyone! He said running out the door but bumped into a tall man.

\- You go where my Linda? - It was John remembers me. He said holding my arm. I tried to free myself but it was too late he was taking me to his car.

\- Sorry Cathy. - Said my boss. I saw his face away from me I was also pulling away until the door was closed. And the car followed.

My tears would not stop dripping on my face.

\- I was very upset when he fled from me Cathy. I was waiting for you in the bathroom and you nothing. - He continued to speak. It was disgusting. I did not say anything I shut up me. - Did not know that prostitution my dear. That our ugly ... but the good thing is that I am a good entrepreneur in this business.

My head was going down to get my legs. My sob drew attention.

\- I hate you John. I swear I hate you! - And he said tapping his shoulder. I hated him more than ever.

\- And I love her more than ever my flower.

 

 

I had to hang in it, nothing made sense to me at that time. I slave a man? My god how far I got?

John opened the car door as an undercover gentleman. I refused to leave, but his hand pulled me into a desconsertava violence.

Inside that house again, he was serving a man who is totally aggressive and crazy.

\- I do not want to waste time Cathy, I have to teach you a lot before you have to work. - John said sitting on the couch, waiting for me to sit down. My reaction was to sit far away from him.

\- John let me go I swear I'll do what I want for now, but let me go? - I said, but his sarcastic laugh startled me.

\- My dear, I have not spent more than 325 thousand reais for nothing right. Come show me what you know fazer.- he said lying on his luxurious couch,

\- what? - I said stuttering

\- Come Cathy is not naive. If you do not have to punish her for not being a good girl. - John said. My stomach rolled. Punish me? What does he think he is? My god and now what will I do? Obey.

My lean body moved to near that disgusting man my hands were shaking, I felt my face melt. I went slowly up to him, his grin scared me and made me flinch.

\- I ..- I can not - I still said unable to do many things.

\- Tsk tsk Cathy, this is not good, come here with me in the kitchen. - Said John moving to the kitchen waiting for me to follow it took me to get up, my brain did not process .- Cathy! - His voice came out serious in the kitchen my legs were at an incredible speed there.

He was leaning against the cutlery. I swallowed dry. My hands were sweating, my heels were almost turning to the other side of the kitchen to escape.

\- Extend the mãos.- he said. What? What's that? Without hesitation I stretched hands - move your hands I will punish you worse.

John turned back and grabbed a knife.

\- What it will do - I almost moved my hands to bring him cleared his throat reminding me of his threat.

With the stove he put the knife in the fire and waited heat. My breath missed my face began to have another color, I felt the blood rush to his head. With a hot knife he turned to me.

\- When I tell you to do something, you have to obey, you know - he said, my tears were drenching my face I nodded with his eyes closed - I said you got ?! - John ranted me touched the hot blade in my hands, I could not move, I could not run away.

\- yes I understood! - I sobbed almost stifling without air.

\- Ok good girl, now go wash their hands to jantar.- he said. I did not hesitate to disobey it. I rush into the bathroom and closed the door. the same window I had run was barred. I was totally imprisoned.

Looking at the redness of my hands I took them to her face and cried. I cried cried.

 

Even with the phone in my pocket I typed a message to James.

 

From: Cathy

To: James.ro

Text:

James! Help me! John took me do not know what to do I'm stuck and imprisoned ...

 

Yes it was my only chance to send the message, but John went into the bathroom trying to accomplish such a burden.

\- What you think you're doing doll? - John said, taking my phone and looking at what u typed. - Who is James? I do not believe doll after what I did to you was not enough? -

My despair took my conscious, new drug not!

\- Do not expect John sorry, not descupe !, please! - I begged lowering on his feet. It was a complete humiliation. I was humbled me.

\- No's good if humble soft, venha.- he said lifting me like I was a doll. I released my arm but his nasty and tried to run to the exit door. It was locked.

\- Does not help Cathy, after that leakage can no longer lose la.- I heard his voice in some corner of the house.

I was living in a complete nightmare. In desperation I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. And I pointed to my belly.

-eiii hey girl we calmly - John said raising his hands.

\- Let me go, or I enfiarei that knife on me! - I said threatening my own life

\- I know it will not make isso.- he said not believing and recomposing. Rain falling from the noise outside was the drama, was now or never, what would I do? With the knife away from the body. Once plunged the blade into my chest making a high-pitched cutting noise and a miserable pain.

I saw many things, many things I've heard, but the one that I heard clearly.

\- Do not do it My dream!

 

 

Don't want to let you down  
But I am hell bound  
Though this is all for you  
Don't wanna hide the truth

Demons - Imagine Dragons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for future mistakes!


	10. Second Shame : Slave

\- Do not do it My dream!  
                     - Marco Reus in Nikita's thoughts

 

  
"Okay I think this will be difficult to give you. But it's not impossible "- I thought James say that word to me. And yes he said.

\- I think it will be hard to give you. But it's not impossible. - James said exactly what I thought. It was thus that a psychologist had told me. For me it was like not score had more output, it was as if my life had not repair. My eyes still fixed the glass wall wet with rain.

Some people passing by outside and waved to James, I disguise, did not want people to think badly of us, but there was no way the journalists were inexcusable. They took pictures without stopping. I was very uncomfortable with that.

\- Calm down osito, it is nothing more. - He said holding my hands and complicating things further. My curiosity would not let me still had to ask.

\- Because it calls me that name?

\- what name? Osito?

\- Yes

\- Osito means stuffed in Spanish, or bear .- he said smiling. Ok he called me bear, not cool. I smiled and thanked him for caring covertly.

We take our coffee in silence after that conversation kinda nasty.

\- Then on Marco Reus. The key is, if you do not want to mis get involved with it, get involved with someone else. - James said saying as if it were easy

\- I can not live a lie, James, my life is already a lie imagine staying with someone only to forget another? It does not work. Moreover no one will accept my past. - I said incredulously, James took a deep breath and shook his head.

\- I pity your lack of faith, Nikita, you have to open up to the world has to open up to your friends, you have to open up to new people. You can not live like this preached in an ominous past. - Always said James with your easy words.

-maybe, but I want to break me, but my mind says to the contrary, sometimes she wants me not suffer, but do not want me to forget. - I said looking at my phone vibrating. It was my boss cafeteria. Damn I forgot to work the morning shift!

\- what happened?

\- I forgot to go to my work the morning shift! - I said, getting up quickly from the table.

\- Look osito, wait, try to make friends in your work, it will help you to be distracted. Oh and do not forget to be kind. - He said giving me a kiss on the cheek and paying a taxi for me. Drugs do not like it. But I could not deny.

When I arrived in the cafeteria, an employee sent me up to the boss room. Shit sermons.

I knocked on the door and heard a "between" dry. I walked crestfallen

\- Mrs. Caratina Wood, noticed his absence of some documents and his own absence in a few days of work. No justification has been given so far, and not your documents are here, you said you would deliver soon. But nothing so far. - Said my boss. I swallowed dry. Drugs will be fired. I was silent with no response. I pulled off my apron and put the chair synonymous with "I quit."

I fired before I was fired and hunt for the federal police for false documents.

Drug was now out of work permanently. Only one in which shames me completely.

I returned to my shelter, James dissect I had to make friends, but as if I was fired? I threw myself on the bed and buried my face in the pillow.

\- Catherine, because when you always come here always crying? - Said a girl who was also at the shelter.

\- Nothing - I said wiping my tears

\- Cathy, come here have to have a very séria.- told my boss talk. I never knew his name so never mentioned.

\- Yes. - I said sitting down in his office. Soon my mind will be expelled from the shelter also Oh heavens!

\- Look honey, there's something. A man came here looking to buy one of you. He was rich and offered (€) 325,000 for the best girl we had. - My eyes have filled with water. What's this? Slave? And I sold? Nothing could get worse in my life - I named you Catarina. The Bittencourt Sr is a good one for you.

I froze Mr Bittencourt? The only Bittencourt I knew was the maniac John.

\- who is he? - I said desperately.

\- I talked about its course, and said what you were good. Now it's like its owner / entrepreneur. His name is John Bittencourt. I suddenly got up from his chair and leaned against the wall.

\- You can not do this to me! You can not sell me I'm not owned by anyone! I am not belong here and no one! He said running out the door, but ran into a tall man.

\- I go where my Linda? - It was John remembers me. He said holding my arm. I tried to let go but it was too late he was taking me to his car.

\- Sorry Cathy. - Said my boss. I saw his face away from me I also was pulling away until the door was closed. And the car followed.

My tears did not stop dripping on my face.

\- I was very upset when I ran away from Cathy. I was waiting for you in the bathroom and you nothing. - He continued to speak. It was disgusting. I did not say anything I was silent me. - I did not know that prostitution my dear. Our that ugly ... but the good thing is that I am a good entrepreneur in this business.

My head was going down to get my legs. My sob drew attention.

\- I hate you John. I swear I hate you! - And he said tapping his shoulder. I hated him more than ever.

\- And I love her more than ever my flower.

 

 

 

I had to hang in it, nothing for me had felt at that moment. I slave a man? My god that point I got?

John opened the car door like a gentleman in disguise. I refused to leave, but his hand pulled me into a desconsertava violence.

Inside that house again, I was serving a man who is totally aggressive and crazy.

\- I do not want to waste time Cathy, I have to teach you much before you have to work. - John said sitting on the couch, waiting for me to sit. My reaction was to sit far away from him.

\- John let me go I swear I will do what I want for now, but let me go? - I said, but his sarcastic laugh startled me.

\- My dear, I have not spent more than 325 thousand reais for nothing right. Come on show me what you know fazer.- he said laying in his luxury sofa,

\- The .. the What? - I said stammering

\- C'mon Cathy is not naive. If I do not have to punish her for not being a good girl. - John said. My stomach rolled. Punish me? What does he think he is? My god and now what will I do? Obey.

My thin body moved to near that disgusting man my hands were shaking, I felt my face melt. I went slowly up to him, his grin scared me and made me flinch.

\- I ..- e-u can not - I still said unable to do many things.

\- Tsk tsk Cathy, this is not good, come here with me in the kitchen. - Said John moving to the kitchen waiting for me to follow it took me to get up, my brain did not process .- Cathy! - His voice came out serious in the kitchen my legs were at an incredible speed there.

He was leaning against the cutlery. I swallowed dry. My hands were sweating, my heels were almost turning to the other side of the kitchen to escape.

\- Extend the mãos.- he said. What? What's that? Without hesitation I stretched my hands - move your hands I will punish you worse.

John turned back and grabbed a knife.

\- What will I do - I almost moved my hands to bring him cleared his throat reminding me of his threat.

With the stove he put the knife in the fire and waited heat. My breath missed my face began to have another color, I felt the blood rush to his head. With the hot knife he turned to me.

\- When I tell you to do something, you have to obey, you know - he said my tears were drenching my face I nodded eyes closed - I said you got ?! - John ranted me touched the hot blade in my hands, I could not move, I could not run away.

\- yes I understood! - I sobbed almost without choking the air.

\- Ok good girl, now go wash their hands to jantar.- he said. I did not hesitate to disobey it. I rush to the bathroom and closed the door. the same window that I had run was barred. I was totally imprisoned.

Looking redness of my hands I took them to her face and cried. I cried cried.

 

Even with the phone in my pocket I typed a message to James.

 

From: Cathy

To: James.ro

Text:

James! Help me! John took me do not know what to do I'm stuck and imprisoned ...

 

Yes it was my only chance to send the message, but John went into the bathroom trying to carry such a burden.

\- What you think you're doing doll? - John said, taking my phone and looking at what u typed. - Who is James? I do not believe doll after what I did to you was not enough? -

My despair took my conscious, new drug not!

\- Do not expect John sorry descupe not !, please! - I begged lowering on his feet. It was a complete humiliation. I was humiliated me.

\- Noes point humble soft, venha.- he said getting up like I was a doll. I let my arm if your disgusting but it tried to run to the exit door. It was locked.

\- Cathy does not help, then that escape can not lose la.- I heard his voice in some corner of the house.

I was living in a complete nightmare. In desperation I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. And I pointed to my belly.

-eiii hey girl we calmly - John said, raising his hands.

\- Let me go unless I enfiarei that knife on me! - I said threatening my own life

\- I know it will not isso.- he said not believing and recomposing. Rain noise falling from the outside was the drama, it was now or never, what would I do? With the knife away from the body. Once dug the blade in my chest making a high-pitched cutting noise and a miserable pain.

Many things I saw many things I heard, but the one I heard clearly.

\- Do not do it My dream!

 

Don't want to let you down

But I am hell bound

Though this is all for you

Don't wanna hide the truth

**Demons - Imagine Dragons**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for mistakes


End file.
